I beat myself up on a daily basis over not being enough of a mother, wife, Christian, friend, daughter, employee, and anything else I can fathom. I have days that are worse than others, but the feeling is always the same. If I close my eyes and imagine the self infliction of what I’m doing to myself on the inside this is what it would look like on the outside. The colors left to right represent the ups and downs of my self worth. As a mother especially, I’m in constant fear of neglecting them in some way that leaves them forever scared, feeling as inadequate as I do at times.
I’ve had several women relate to this painting in a powerful way, then when I show her to men they usually go straight to the sexual. She has a big booty, my husband said I should call her nudie, nudie with the big ole booty. I find a humorous relief in the fact that though she is guilt stricken by so much, she still has the physique of a triathlon runner so life can’t be so bad. At least she looks good in skinny jeans.